**The song I'm referring to somehow disappeared from my playlist... the current song is a great one, too, but it no longer corresponds with this post.**
I don't know about you, but I have certain things that are constantly on "repeat" on my mental playlist. Normal things like, "I need to start a load of laundry." Or, "Better add that to the grocery list." Or, "Uh-oh. It's too quiet in here. What is Tori up to!?"
But then there are also those things that repeat and shuffle on my playlist that I wish I could remove but don't quite know how. (Kind of like my real life level of skill with technology!) Things like rehearsals of things I said in small group that I wish I could snatch back. Or high (maybe unrealistic) expectations of my kids that make me frustrated and short with them when they do the same things over and over. Or the following self-condemnation for expecting of my kids what I can't even manage myself...consistently making the right and loving choice.
So when I opened my blog this morning, I was thankful for the first song that greeted me from my real life playlist: "Song of Hope" by the Robbie Seay Band. If you stick around long enough to listen, here's what you'll hear:
All things bright and beautiful You are
All things wise and wonderful You are
In my darkest night, You brighten up the skies
A song will rise
I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know that You are near is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down
All things new
I can start again
Creator, God
Calling me Your friend
Sing praise, my soul
To the Maker of the skies
A song will rise
I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know You and be loved is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down
Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing
As I listened to those words playing in the background, I thought about hope (Oh, yes, I am quick that way... a song titled "Song of Hope" made me think about hope!) :)
Hope defined as a verb means, "to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence." The very fact that I cling to hope means both that I am missing something I long for, but also that I believe I will receive it. However, I think I often limit hope to only the first half of its true meaning, focusing on the desires of my heart that are unfulfilled.
Hope defined as a noun means, "a person or thing in which expectations are centered." Where do I truly place my hope? I know I have a lot of expectations, but I think the weight of them usually falls on me or the other people in my life. And that is far too heavy a load for any of us to carry.
So I began to think about why I love this song so much. I wondered if I can belt out all the lines of this song with equal sincerity.
I have no problem offering God praise, telling Him how beautiful, wise and wonderful He is. And I really get loud on the line that pleads with the God of heaven to come down. But immediately following that plea lies these two convictions:
Just to know that You are near is enough.
Just to know You and be loved is enough.
I realized, again, that often my words of praise are as much a request as an offering, a plea that God will really help me believe in the depths of my heart the words that I know in my head to be true of Him. To show me that He's near and that He loves me.
Man, I thought I deleted that playlist several years ago! I mean, it's not all bad because it consistently drives me to seek out the Father and His true heart for me. But you know how you sometimes listen to the same CD over and over until you finally just need to take it out of the rotation for a while? I think I'd like to take this one out permanently and bring it to the CD consignment store for someone else to add to their collection!
But for today, I guess I'll just hit "shuffle" once more and keep clinging to hope, reminding myself where I need to let my hope lie.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5
