Thursday, June 24, 2010

One Day At a Time

I'm still alive. Just buried alive. Digging out from vacation, a whirlwind trip to a wedding, Father's Day, an extra child staying here, evening work meetings for my husband, and my constant battle against efficiency dysfunction.

Someday I'll dig my way out and get back to more than mere survival.

Won't I?!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

All I Can Say

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

First Day of Summer

The long days of summer have been creeping up on us for a while now, and with school still in session, we've done our best to resist their charms. Bedtime was still a must, as waking on time was still a necessity. But now... finally.... summer! And with it, the knowledge of the few fleeting seasons I have left with my children to...

      Slow down.

After over a decade of parenting, enough chains have been loosed, enough thought patterns altered, enough habits refined that I truly long to make it a summer of purpose rather than merely survival. While I'm saddened admitting that has been our reality for so long, I've also finally learned (am learning?) that while I don't get any "do-overs," I am offered endless "do-betters" by the grace of both a redemptive God and endlessly forgiving children. What a gift.


I can not bless these children, these gifts of mine, without first receiving the gift of your blessing.
     I praise you that every good and perfect gift comes from you. (James 1:17)
Bless me with the power of your Spirit; empower me to be a better "me" as I become more an extension of you.
     I praise you for giving me the desires of my heart and for giving me glimpses of their fulfillment. (Psalm 37:4)
May I delight in none but you, and may my children be overcome with the way you delight in them.

Break my heart where it does not yet yield to yours;
     mend it together into a heart with a deeper capacity to love, forgive, and bless.
May my children begin to see me as a woman of integrity and grace.

Allow me not to waver through unbelief, but
     to be strengthened in my faith...
          to give you glory...
               to believe that you have the power to do what you have promised. (Romans 4:20-21)

Thank you for the fresh slate... the first day of summer. I give it to you and ask that you do with it, with us... in us and through us... what you will.

Only by your grace, Father. Only you.